i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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