wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
