i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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