if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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