yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
