everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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