I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
