Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Come see our sink grown plant.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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