Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
