Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
