vagina is talking i cant
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
