she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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