my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
