I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
