Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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