I feel great
I just peed on a car
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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