I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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