I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So. Much. Porn.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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