I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
