Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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