It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
