I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
