No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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