she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize