sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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