Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
