I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
