It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
is it fun? or sober?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
