is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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