He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
