Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
