I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
