I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
