I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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