So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
whose parrot is this?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
