You're completely useless in the revolution.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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