Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
