Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I deserve this hangover.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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