woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
