If that was your dad, he is hot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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