I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
