Someone shit on the floor
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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