Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
