her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
