ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
