My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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