Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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