I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
