ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
