Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
