it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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