She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
