I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
