i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
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The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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