I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
