Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
