I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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