he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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