i would punch a child for taco bell
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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