My girlfriend figured out who you are.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize