his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
