Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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