do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
