Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
