god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Found the puke drawer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
