We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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