Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
