I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
