that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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