I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
