So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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